My realization of thanks

The Realization of My Thanks
I had previously lived a life of chaos and hurt
With self-esteem no higher than dirt
Never knowing what it was like to be put first
I was used to being confused and scared
Finding nothing but the gallows of despair
I was always neglected
Always feeling like I didnt belong
Or even accepted
Waiting for the next time
To just be rejected
I couldnt help the feelings I had
Mixed emotions of feeling mad and sad
I couldnt help that I was treated bad
And thats what made me so apprehensive
Running from my feelings inside
Trying to scurry to get away
Trying to hide
I had no other options
Until that day I was thankfully
Put up for adoption
And Im sorry to say, because of my past
When I first arrived, I made it clear, very fast
That I wasnt going to make it easy
I didnt make it easy for my new family, Im sure
For they hadnt experienced anything like me before
Making them second think about letting me stay
I was always fiercely pushing them away
Fighting and struggling to keep them at bay
Unintentional of course
I honestly never meant any harm
And I finally realize and see how I always held out my arms
Trying to protect myself from foreshadowed pain
That wasnt even there
Pain I hallucinated in my brain
But now.a pain of constant remorse
Seems to find a way to seep from my pores
And torments me with a piercing ring of Satans roar
Yet.

Through everything
My parents seemed to understand
Doing their best to keep me safe and warm
Always offering a helping hand
Winning the battle I set forth in silent demand
These are the reasons why
Id like to pause, from my selfish agenda
And take this dwindling time
To forget about mine or anyones criteria
To let the two people I love the absolute most
Know how truly grateful I am
That they came for me and left the safe coast
I will thank them until the day I die
And do the same for the future children of mine
I want to strip my outer peel
And apologize for the bad things
The bad things Ive done that I thought were no big deal
For when I challenged the reasons of staying safe
Beneath your wings
Through all these years of my life
My parents have made sure they were inevitably there
Making sure I wouldnt be cut on that infamous knife
Theyve been there when Ive fallen hard
When I thought there was no way to get up
When I was hurt, lonely, scared, and jarred
When I didnt want to move, give up, and abort
Than out of no where
When I was laying to rot
They came to my aide, with encouragement and support
Doing what they could without a second thought
Bringing me home, safe in their fort
Whether it was me or them at our best or worst
They did anything and everything for me
To make me feel like I was number one, put in first
On rainy days and on sunny days
If it was in the cold of December or in the warmth of May
They never left my side
Teaching me what rules to live by and abide
Always there to protect and defend me
Somehow always showing me the light
Showing me the battles to avoid or fight
Even if I was right or I was wrong
They would give me the chance to tell them how I thought it should be
And sometimes, the times they didnt agree
They did there best, as long as no harm was for seen
To leave it up to me, and let myself see
My parents helped me comprehend
What the meaning of a family truly is
They found a way to reach me
To show me that I am worth more than sand
Something Ive struggled with, something Ive always missed
I now know my importance in this life
What its like to finally be put first
To feel love of warmth, instead of the harshness of ice
And now I know how it feels to be genuinely cared for
To feel alive, to have finally quenched my thirst
To unlock the chains on my hearts steel door
I now have no doubts from now through forever more
They always seemed to know the outcome of my actions
And even if there were going to be wretched consequences
There was one thing Id be sure of when I got their reaction
They were always willing to trust and forgive, just one more time
Always giving me a hopeful second chance
A second time to relearn the dance
Of the things Ive done to take advantage of this
Im sorry and wish it was fixable with simple kisses
But I cant, I can only try to make up for my past misses
My parents have stuck beside me through the thick and the thin
Never allowing any of us, to throw the towel in
This is what Ive learned from being part of a family
You never give up even in the worst of times
You simply try to settle it calmly
You stick together through lifes twist and turns
Staying side by side day or night
Even if the hear it so hot it burns
Staying connected by love and loves fight
I love you mom and dad w/all my heart and Ive been working on this piece for a whileI miss yall very much and want to talk to yall tomorrow.I love you guys
Sorry I didnt call tonightI wanted to get some things settled before we talkedbut I am thinking about yallWords
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